To Come or Not to Come…

…not to come. No question about it.

I’ve been sexual since I was seventeen. And I’ve known I was submissive since even before that! I started masturbating when I was about thirteen. It started with me just picturing women submitting to men. There wasn’t any sound in my thoughts at first since I didn’t know what they would say in that situation. Then I started enjoying thinking about what they would say; how they would vocalize their submission. Looking back now, I’ve always been able to make myself come by thinking about submission and more than that: degradation.

Now years later, I can get off with just simple dirty talk but it takes longer. My quickest and most intense orgasms come from reading porn where a woman is broken from the beginning. She might be a successful career woman but by the end of the story she is just someone’s owned sexual property. The more depraved the story, the more I like it. I love reading about rimming, cock slapping, forced prostitution, spitting, etc. The meaner the better.

But do I want that in my real life? I don’t. I am an independent young woman who is focused on her career and life outside of sex. I would never want a TPE and I would certainly never want to be nothing more than worthless fuck meat. I suppose these things will always be just a fantasy for me, something I never want to actually experience. That being said, I do want to experiment with bits and pieces of it. I would love nothing more than to find a man I can settle down with, share my secrets with; one who will love me for the opinionated, feisty, energetic person I am out of bed and the dirty, kinky, slut I am in bed.

Anyway, I think I took a wrong turn up there. My reason for this post was originally my ability to orgasm. Or rather, my inability. A man has never been able to make me come. I’m no psychologist but I’m curious about the reason why. At times I have thought that it’s because of my weight. Big girls can’t come? But no, that’s not it. Because when I’m alone I can make myself come like a rocket. I think I just tense up and the man I’m with thinks they can just touch my clit and I’ll unravel. Not so, gentlemen. I take work. And then maybe I think to myself: perhaps it’s not that he needs to be patient and take his time, maybe it’s that I’m looking for those dirty words. Is it that I can only come when thinking about being a worthless cum-bucket?

Regardless of the reason why, no man has ever been able to succeed. They always think they can. Some big egos you guys have! I always warn them. I say, “just so you know, Jimmy…” And he puffs his chest up and says, “Oh, you will with me, baby!”

But then in the middle of sex, Jimmy reaches down, touches my clit once or twice, (too hard, usually!) gets frustrated, gives up, and pumps into me until he comes. The Jimmys in my life have talked a big talk before giving up on the walk fairly quickly.

I think the only thing I can do is keep looking for my perfect match. The one man who is going to appreciate me the way I want outside of bed and in bed. And understand that despite my proclivities for wanting to feel used, worthless, and slutty….he knows that I’m the furthest from those things.

Other women, regardless of your sexual preferences, have you had this problem? Do you have this problem currently? Have you had Jimmys in your bed before?

BB

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